I’ve encouraged people throughout the years to write down their prayers. It seems silly, but for me, it’s a way for me to tangibly see God’s faithfulness in my life. The prayers for salvation, for healing, for restoration and reconciliation. Years of prayers and “amen” written across them really solidify my faith in a God that is very much alive and working.
When I became a believer, in early 2006, I was the first in my immediate family to eventually leave the Catholic religion. Not that there’s anything wrong with that religion, but it wasn’t the best fit for me. Someone in my extended family said, in Spanish, that I traded the cow for the goat. I didn’t answer out of respect to my elders but I thought, no ma’am for the LAMB. Some people in my immediate family thought I was joining a cult. All that to say, a lot has changed.
Jesus did a work in my heart, and as a result I changed. I was very judgmental, I pretended not to be, but I had an opinion on everything. I was quick to point out others faults, never owning my own. I was angry, and mean, and not even in the funny way. Before becoming a believer (and for the record, that has nothing to do with religion) I put a ridiculous amount of importance on financial gains, academic achievements, and materialistic items. Sure, I was a mom, but I didn’t weigh my success on the health and stability of my family, but on my personal, professional achievements. I look back and cringe at the person I was. I treated so many people poorly or indifferently.
So, not only did I see God’s free gift of grace change me, I’ve seen His hand move in my life and in those I love since.
Because of God’s word and the example of HIS forgiveness, I have my youngest son Matthew.
Because of God’s faithfulness, I’ve seen 2 of my kids be baptized, and 3 accept Jesus into their hearts and minds.
After becoming a believer, I purposefully slowed my professional trajectory down in 2006, in order to be a better wife and mother, I took a substantial pay cut. I stepped back, and down, to honor God with all of my energy. The Lord eventually restored everything I put on a shelf for Him, two-fold, without needing to sacrifice my family. Oh, there have been many times that I didn’t know how something would be paid for, or if I could give my kids a certain something, and God would provide. Sometimes it was financial, and other times it was in a sense of contentment and peace, that didn’t require money, but just me looking elsewhere for resources.
Years after the “cult” conversation, I’d have beautiful talks with my parents and my sister about faith and scripture. Because they too loved Jesus. How beautiful to know that we’ll be in eternity together.
God’s mercy and grace would be on full display again when I thought God hadn’t heard my prayers. Oh, how I prayed for my ex-husband. For his salvation, that marriage’s restoration, for him to be the spiritual leader of the home, for him to love God more than anything, for him to love and serve his family selflessly. My goodness, I longed for, and begged God for a marriage that honored HIM. Imagine my utter heart break when the marriage to my children’s dad ended in divorce? I thought surely, those prayers could never be answered. But God, in HIS beautiful provision and timing the Lord answered each and every one of my prayers about marriage, God just made it look so differently than what I expected. I got the insane privilege of being married to a man that loved God more than anything, served his family selflessly, lead me and our family spiritually, and because God does exceedingly and abundantly more than we can think of, the Lord gave me a husband that loved me. and I mean, LOVED ME. God taught me the incredible beauty of knowing Christ as a groom through that marriage. What a tremendous season of joy, love, passion, and blessing I got to enjoy. Some, don’t even get that.
When Jesus called my husband HOME, it shattered me. My mind broke, and my faith was tested like never before. But God had me surrounded by people who embodied my Savior’s attributes. In my most broken moments God let me see, through the people of Christ, Jesus’s patience, HIS graciousness, HIS kindness and eventually HIS forgiveness. It’s been 2-years and 2-months, and I somehow feel sturdy and strong, this is only by the grace of God.
I see God’s hand weaving stories together, healing hearts, and providing for needs. I see the Lord in my grief. Oh, how I long for my husband, my earthly groom; an immediate picture and reminder of how I am to long for reuniting with the Lord, the only lover of my soul, my eternal Groom.
How is God real to me? HE’s it! HE’s the reason I’m the mother I am. HE’s the reason I’m the type of employee and leader that I am. HE’s the reason I’m the kind of friend I am. HE’s real to me, because everything else in this world has shown me that it is temporary. It is all here one moment, and gone the next, but God remains. HIS word, and the truths contained in it, remain.
I have lived 17-years as a follower of Jesus, and somehow, every year HE reveals something new to me through HIS word, through HIS creation, and through HIS people.
God is real to me because Jesus saved me from a life where money and self would’ve been my gods. A mediocre life filled with a bunch of meaningless things. Understanding who I am in God’s economy, literally saved my life and gave me purpose. I exist to honor and glorify God. To reflect the image of God to a broken world that is in full rebellion with their Creator.
Perhaps the question shouldn’t be, “how is God real to me” but How is HE not real to you?