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Hi.

Welcome to my blog. I document my adventures in life. 

And then, there was this...

First, oh how I wish I could start this post with, “30 lbs. down” but my body refuses to get there! I began this journey at 232 Lbs. on January 6, 2025, and last week when I was 2 Lbs. away from 30 less… I gained 2 Lbs. God is keeping me humble, and I get that.

So, how’s it going? It’s going. I feel like I’m constantly doing math. It’s either: how much protein am I eating, or how much weight am I lifting, or how many calories did I burn and/or eat, or what’s my time, or (and my favorite) am I getting enough rest? It’s constant, but, I will say that it’s a little game I play with myself that surprisingly enough keeps me engaged.

That’s the good news. The, not-so-great news.

The running isn’t progressing. I’m working everyday, don’t get me wrong, but the running is such a struggle. If I’m honest, I just hate it so much. I’m no longer hurting, which is great! I attribute that to taking some weight off of my joints so the impact has lessened. I can now run/ walk the 2.2 miles and the hips and knees feel good. It’s not the pain that is holding me back, it’s 100% me. I just don’t like it. This journey I’m on, to honor God with every ounce of me, has introduced avenues in fitness that I never knew even existed before. Different types of exercises that I enjoy so freaking much! So, please don’t misunderstand, I challenge myself 6 days a week. But, the running, it sucks the joy out of me.

I talk to myself while I’m out for runs too, “Be strong and courageous, the Lord is with you”. I remind myself, “What a privilege to be able to run, some people can’t even walk”. I try to focus on being grateful to God, and pray while I’m out there. It turns into a 30-minute discourse, and yet, I absolutely hate it.

I, have become my biggest hurdle. What do I hate about it, you ask? Sure, I hate how my lungs burn for oxygen, but if I’m really, really honest, that’s not what I hate. See, running makes certain things about me evident to myself. I can’t hide. It fully shows me how easy it is to quit on myself. Heck, it reveals a heart that wants to quit on myself constantly. I hate how much this one activity exposes my own mental weaknesses. My lack of gastric grit needed to dig and do hard things. It reminds me of a lack of commitment I have towards myself, and the successful execution of goals I’ve set for myself in so many seasons past. Running, is a mirror I don’t want to look into. It’s everything about me that disappoints me, and I hate it.

And, I don’t know how to change it, and I don’t know if I’m strong enough to.

On August 1st I will need to make an, on-or-off the toilet decision. That’s when I’d have to pay for the half marathon race taking place in January of 2026. This leaves me with the month of July to fight for myself. To wrestle with the possibility that I can change my perspective, and my resolve. Because right now, I’m wavering, big time. It would be so very easy for me to quit, only with the running, I’d tell myself. I’d convince myself, that I wasn’t quitting my health journey, just the running part. And my treacherous sub-conscious would store away how I once again gave up on me. Good times.

I want to honor God with how I’m treating His temple. And I want to show up for myself the way I do for others in my life. I need to be kind to myself, and extend myself grace. Everything I encourage others to do for others, I need to do that too.

Lots to think about.

Updating the updates, with some updates