Still at it over here! Unfortunately, less running but more overall fitness.
I’ve intentionally paused the running until June 1. I’ve been concentrating on trying to get some weight off of these old joints, and building strength around the muscles that support my knees. I’ve done a lot of spinning classes, and everything in my nether regions are NOT in pain anymore, which is really nice. Apparently, one does build a callus.
I have a pretty consistent workout regimen, only taking Sundays off. But, my little journey has turned into a family event. My boys have been joining me on my 5AM gym trips. Every time I need to push myself just a bit further, I cry out to the Lord for His strength in this journey. He knows I just want to quit, eat some ice-cream, and call it a day. But, if I’m being transparent and honest, I feel better and stronger than I have in a long time.
I know that I am honoring the temple of the Holy Spirit by taking better care of myself. I’m mindful of what I put into my body and of how I’m carving out time to simply, pay attention, if that makes sense. I lost myself for a bit. I lost who I was to the Lord, but with HIS help, I’m slowly making my way back to an intimate relationship with my Savior and a sort of re-encounter with this version of me.
I’m convinced I’ve been different, me’s through the years. This, “me” is older, she’s been beat up by life, and she’s sometimes a little meaner. JK, I’m actually a push-over in comparison to who I used to be. There is an element of evolution to all of us.
I think back to the “me” of 1996. That’s the year I met my ex-husband, she was an absolute idiot. The “me” of 1999, who morphed into a mom. The “me” … the real “me” of 2006 who fell on her face before the cross of Christ. The “me” in 2014 who survived the devastation of a divorce and re-established a life. The “me” who got to enjoy the beauty, passion and overwhelming joy that comes with a love forged by a Father in Heaven who orchestrated every moment. And now, I’m this “me” the one crawling through motherhood, widowhood, being an abuela, chasing after the Lord, hormonally embalanced, etc… Right? We’ve been so many versions of ourselves. But, I’m so grateful for right where the Lord has me.
He’s carrying me through a season where I only have HIM and it’s perfect. All the good, the bad, the “me’s” I’ve gotten to be, all carried me here. To where when I rest at night, I REST because I am HIS and HE’s got me.
I don’t know the “me” I’ll be tomorrow, but for right now, this version of “me” is stronger than I thought she’d be, she loves people, she is loved by people, and she’s funny. That’s not too bad a deal.
The only reason I can say that this season of life is “perfect” is because I’m comfortable in the imperfection. My house is sometimes a mess, of course the 1-year warranty expired and now I’m having plumbing issues. My cooking is sometimes atrocious and not fit for human consumption. My finances are as thin as I wish I was, and I exist with a perpetual longing for a person I can no longer enjoy on this side of eternity… and it’s still, not the worst version of “me” I’ve been.
So in summary, the update is that I’m ok. I’m trusting God, and all my hope rests with Him, therefore, even on my worst day, this version of “me” ain’t too shabby.
I’ll save my next post for when I begin running again… unless something insanely entertaining happens, and then I’ll have to share that!