My husband used to say that the largest distance that anything has to travel, is between the human heart, and the human mind. I can know something to be true, but still feel in a way that is contrary. I’ll explain.
As a believing mom I know that Jesus loves my children WAY more than I do. They are HIS. I pray over them, daily. I LOVE THEM with every ounce of myself. But I know… God loves them even more. Yet, I still worry about them.
People will respond, “because you’re human” … sure, I get that. But… what if, it’s a matter of distance? The incredible distance between what I know, and what I feel. And then… can one ask, do you really, actually know? What’s the line between emotion and logic? Is there a line?
I know, deep, right?
It’s just that, there lies the chasm that so many struggle with crossing.
Some of us may feel that there is an eternal God, or feel like there must be “something bigger” than us in the universe, but then turn to what theoretical data dictates, and we try to extinguish those feelings. We discount our divine moments and call them, “luck” or “coincidence” quickly convincing ourselves that the nagging feeling that “there is more” to this place, is just that, a nagging feeling and we further convince ourselves that the world is actually void of absolute truth. What is funny to me, is that most people I’ve met that fall into this category are the very same people that want me to, “follow my heart”… please, tell me you understand the irony of that, without me having to unpack it?
I’m in a different camp. I know that there is a God. I know that scripture is real; therefore, I know Christ (who He is, and my need for HIM). All of that I know. What I feel, at times, is what betrays what I know.
I didn’t become a believer until I was 29 years old, it was January 2006. I, always knew that there was something out there. I believed in god, but not GOD… when I became a believer, everything in me aligned. What I felt, mirrored what I knew. It was beautiful. That’s, I think, how we were created to exist. God, is a god of order, HE would’ve created us to be balanced, calibrated perfectly, if you will. No chasm to cross… that’s what I experienced, at the moment of salvation, it was the beautiful balance of what I felt, and what I knew. It lasted a while… but not long enough. I’m grateful to God that the longer I walk with HIM, the longer the stretches of time I get in the realm of “alignment”… it’s nice. But, I’m human, right?
When I struggle it is definitely a tug-of-war, between what I feel, and what I know. It’s like the two things battle one another, and I’m reminded of what we’re actually wrestling with, “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over the present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.” Ephesians 6:12 I think our emotions are the easy target. Darkness cannot battle truth, it can, however, attack what is assailable, emotion.
God designed us to worship, HIM… I’m in balance when I am living under the truth of what I know. BUT… my deceitful, treacherous heart (my feelings) constantly want to push against what I know. Before I was a believer, it’s kind of like my feelings ruled the roost. I was an emotional person, who allowed desire and whims to dictate my life. Post Christ, I have to tame those emotions with the truth of who I am in Christ, and who HE created me to be. When my emotions/ feelings line-up with truth, I get to experience peace, satisfaction and harmony, unlike anything this world has ever, or could ever offer me. Quite interesting.
Here’s hoping that the closer I get to Jesus the smaller the distance between my heart and my mind will be. I like being in balance, on this side of eternity, it’s what I long for.