My husband would’ve loved my most recent trip to New Orleans.
I went on a cocktail and history tour, and he would’ve enjoyed it so much! He would’ve loved the braised short-rib I ate, the bars I visited, and the music I heard. He and I were so very blessed to travel a lot together; but we never got to visit New Orleans together. While I was there, walking around, taking everything in, I never for a second stopped thinking about him. It was like I missed memories we never got to make together. However, that didn’t mean I was sad, on the contrary, I had an amazing time. I laughed a lot and enjoyed the very quick get-a-way.
I got to spend time with an old friend, a sister in Christ, who also lost her person recently. We both talked about our husbands, we talked about this behemoth grief we carry around with us now, but, we also talked about God’s abounding, never-ending grace that is sustaining us. Daily HIS grace is why we can function. Why we are able to parent, work, heck… take showers, eat, and sleep. HIS grace allows us to continue living lives that even though they aren’t what we thought they’d be, they are still blessed. Blessed by our children, our families, our friendships, our precious memories, and most importantly our Jesus. HE, who paid it all so that someday we can be in HIS presence together, reunited, with our loved ones.
Yes, we are sad, but to be both sad and still filled with hope, that’s a God thing. I don’t have another way to explain it.
I had lost sight of HIS grace.
I couldn’t have done this quick get-a-way a few months ago. Why? Because I lost sight of HIS beautiful, never-ending, grace.
God tells us in His word that His grace is sufficient for us, and that His power is made perfect in our weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:9)
The context of this verse is, our boy Paul is recounting how he pleaded with the Lord to remove a thorn from his side. We’re never told exactly what the thorn is. Was it a literal thorn? Was it a spiritual thorn? We just don’t know… but whatever it was, it was enough to have Paul pleading with God to take it from him. God’s response is what I just mentioned, that HIS grace is sufficient.
I’m guilty of not believing that, 100% in my bones. When my husband was called home, not only did I lose sight of God’s grace, but also of His promises, and of my identity in Him. Furthermore, I did not extend any grace to myself. I reacted to the devastation with my imperfect human strength. And then, I hated how weak and fragile I actually was.
At times, the proverbial thorns of this life lodge themselves into our sides, and they can quickly distract us from the journey we’re on with Christ.
I know God’s word, and I love HIM, but I lost sight of God’s grace because the trial was so sudden, and painful, and tumultuous.
What’s the point to this? The point is that my beautiful sister in Christ that I just got to enjoy a great city with, radiates God’s sufficiency and strength. My mother-in-law does too, as do so many women that God has allowed in my life, all related to me by blood (either in DNA or the blood of Christ). These women with, not thorns, but planks in their side, radiate God’s grace. In doing so, when I am vulnerable with them about my struggles, they loved me through it. Their consistent love reminded me of God’s consistent love for, even me. A believer, that can fail at taking HIM at HIS word. A lover of Christ that is guilty of taking her eyes off of HIM during a storm. But my friends, my sisters… their love, their prayer, their graciousness towards me especially when I didn’t deserve it: That, has blown me away.
I’m blessed beyond what I deserve because God has used so many beautiful sisters in Christ during these 8 months. They’ve lovingly admonished me, they’ve fed me and my family (both literally and spiritually) they’ve prayed for us, they’ve shown up, they’ve loved us, they’ve been HIS hands and HIS feet.
God’s grace is sufficient, and when we get out of HIS way, HIS power is made perfect in our weakness.
I’ll miss my husband everyday, until God calls me home. But God’s grace is sufficient for the widow, the grieving mother, the broken wife, the patient sister, the tired daughter, the broken, the betrayed. It is enough for you… and me.