Are Biblical Womanhood and Feminism at odds with each other?

It definitely feels like they are.

So… this post is a, “I’m thinking out loud” post, in reaction to a recent conversation. I was speaking to other parents of adult-ish children and I am astonished with how they’ve raised their daughters. We are no longer referring to little girls, to be clear, all of us partaking in the discussion have adult daughters. I was genuinely taken aback with how much these other parents financially support their daughters. I was called something and felt that internal struggle of reconciling who I am in Christ, with who I have been programmed to be; and wondering, “are these people right”? I asked these parents who have well-intentions (as I do) why they were raising daughters to be financially dependent on another human. They shrugged as if I were the strange one. That’s when I realized, in the setting I’m in, my style of parenting is “strange”. Not just in the holding the kids responsible and accountable but in the insistence that they un-tether themselves from me, when appropriate.

Then, I was told that (essentially) they were raising their daughters to be wives. Huh… I thought I was too. I have never thought that “being a wife” meant being financially retarded or inept. I believe the contrary to be true in accordance with Proverbs 31. The godly wife is trusted with the family finances. Why would I ever trust someone that is incapable or unwilling of taking care of themselves? The prudent wife, makes plans, and trades, and is thrifty, she’s described as resourceful. Then, these people I was speaking to, which I respect, called me… a feminist. May I be honest? (well, of course it’s my blog… what’s the point to be dishonest) I’ve never in my life considered myself a “feminist” for real, I’ve always just been a woman. I’ve always done, exactly what I’ve needed to do. No label necessary; yet that got me thinking. Could a Christian Woman also be a feminist?

I am not raising my daughter (or sons for that matter) to ever feel like they NEED another human to “provide” for them. Sure, it’s nice if someone chooses to do that, to bless them, but I don’t want my children to feel a need to have a “momma-bird” for the rest of their lives. However, I want them to be able to provide and sustain their family. My desire is that God bring into their life a godly partner to do life with. For them to find a suitable mate to love, laugh with, and cherish for the rest of their lives, BUT to want that, NOT need that. There’s a BIG difference. And … right there… that’s where my feminist meets Biblical Womanhood and I wonder how the two mingle. More importantly, I wonder if these other parents are right? Are they? Should I raise a spouse… and … am I not?

What’s wrong with a financially independent woman who still chooses to model Biblical Womanhood? Why is it the overwhelming popular feeling that a woman cannot be both? And then… can she really be both, submissive and independent?

May I respectfully say… Heck yeah she can. Why? My very decision to be submissive shows my independence. I am NOT being made to submit to the leadership of my spouse… It is 100% my decision. My husband doesn’t ask me to do anything at home… FOR REAL. It is always my choice. Always. My choice may not line up with what other people’s choices are, specifically, other women’s choices, but what does that matter? Why am I less of a feminist because of what I want to do on a Saturday? I want to clean my house and do the laundry: Or, why am I less of a biblical role model to my daughter because I am raising her to not depend on any one human, for anything? That her utter dependence should be on Christ alone. So… I’m not a feminist, because a desire of my heart is to care for my husband and my family? But I am a feminist, because I’m raising my daughter to have the ability to stand on her own? I don’t get it!!

I’m not a fan of labels. My opinion is that a label owns a definition and then we twist that definition.

“Feminism” is defined as, “an advocate of women’s rights on the basis of the equality of the sexes” However, we’ve significantly modified that, haven’t we? Any Bible believing Christian will tell you that both genders are important and valued, equally significant to the Lord. BUT… we define the definition, and twist it and turn it into a “label” and then a “box”: and if you don’t fit into this “box” you must fit into that “box”. I don’t fit in any freaking box! I believe I am a suitable helper to my husband… that does not make me less than my husband. I believe that in being a suitable helper I must be financially responsible and capable, this does not make me a bad or unacceptable wife. I WANT my husband, I don’t NEED a husband.

So, can Biblical Womanhood and Feminism, coexist? Perhaps not in our fallen world that twists and perverts things. BUT… my opinion is that there is nothing more powerful than a strong, articulate, smart, funny, independent woman choosing to display biblical womanhood. Go figure.