Funny what a few years can do…
The summer of 2014 was a dark time in the kingdom, to say the least. My family fell apart and a few months later I’d get diagnosed with some craziness that I had to face alone. Not the highlight of a lifetime, that’s for sure. But God is faithful, and that period of storms eventually saw a break in the clouds.
Travel back in time with me to the Spring of 2015. It had been 9-10 months since my divorce, the kids and I had somewhat of a rhythm and I found myself with way too much time on my hands. Therefore, I ventured into the adult dating world (insert dramatic music here). Let’s get things clear, I began dating for very a noble reason… I was bored. However, I quickly realized a few things: first, people, generally, are crazy and second, that because I love to write, I was going to spend the rest of my life documenting my dating adventures. Think, sex in the city, less sex and no city. So, I set a few rules…
Rule number 1, none of these gentlemen suitors would ever meet my children. Why this rule? Well, because I was 100% sure that I did not want anything serious. Nor was I interested in investing time or energy into, what I wholeheartedly approached as a fact-finding, fact-gathering mission, to write a Pulitzer prize winning novel. Don’t get your panties in a bunch; this rule was communicated to the suitor up front. I did not lead anyone on.
Rule number 2, I didn’t really share this one with the men I went out with, but none… were ever referred to by their name. They were all assigned female names. Why? Well, because it’s funny and entertaining to me, and it was my book that I was writing, after all.
I made a deal with myself, I’d go out with any man who invited me on 1 singular condition, they must meet a height requirement. What can I say, I like a tall drink of water. Any whoo… let’s not get caught up there. Look, bottom line, I probably was quite lucky. On one occasion “Dorothy” thought it would be appropriate to take me (their adult woman date) to the woods, to sit in their truck and drink beer. That was an experience, I quickly learned to always give my sister details as to where I was and who I was with. But I learned a lot during my dating adventures. I kept pristine notes of each date, interaction, and my personal thoughts. I genuinely thought that I’d fill a book, heck, 2 months in and I had met many prospects and gone out with 6 different gentlemen. Each date was more bizarre than the one before, and each date, I evolved too. I became a little more brazen, self-confident and simply didn’t really care about anything except observing my subject. The way I figured it, I was either going to end up dead, missing or with one heck of a story. Regardless, I was doing what I enjoy most, observing human nature in a foreign land (for me). But then, just when I was 6 chapters in, my plan is ruined.
It started like every other date, I arrive at our designated date location and spot this stranger, he is getting off his motorcycle, wearing a do-rag… mental note is made, gentleman is probably a douche. And then… he goes and does it. He brings a gift to our date, he too had made a mental note of what I like to drink and brought me a bottle of the whisky that I had mentioned, was my favorite at the time. My next mental note, ‘so he wants something’. Once we enter this establishment there is a look exchanged between him and the waitress. I, of course think, oh, oh. However, the look was due to the fact that earlier that day, do-rag made sure to visit said establishment and assure that all the ingredients needed to make a drink I enjoy, a Manhattan, were acquired by the restaurant. Furthermore, he gave instructions to the bartender on how to prepare said drink. There is encouragement from do-rag to order a Manhattan, and so, I oblige. After the explanation of the days plans I ever so slightly decide to not be a complete and total asshole. So, when my Manhattan arrives, in shambles… I was polite enough to not mention how truly horrific it was. As that date progressed I was surprised to find myself actually enjoying the conversation and, to my utter shock, the genuineness and ease in which the evening progressed. I left that date thinking, “well, even if there isn’t anything romantic here, I can hang out with this guy again.” And I did… and my book was ruined.
See, I gave him the, “you’re never going to meet my kids speech” the, “I don’t want anything serious” speech… and then, after a while … he invited me for dinner. I liked him, but not, liked, liked him. I loved spending time with him and was enjoying the quick, quick fast, fast witty banter we had developed. Upon arriving at his home, I scoped out his house and found an old, used KJV Bible, and an equally old and used Strongs Exhaustive Concordance, and the instant mental note was, “oh crap”. So, I did what any self-respecting believer would (should) do, I grilled him. I questioned him about matters of faith, about non-negotiables and for the first time in a long time had one of those, all night, iron sharpening iron, conversations. I was exhilarated and horrified. Exhilarated, because my goodness, this man was a believer. FOR REAL. He knew scripture, dove into scripture with a knowledge and fervor that I could not but admire. And horrified? Because before me stood the very thing I didn’t want to believe I wanted, a godly man to invest in, to grow with, to not be a complete jerk with.
I fought it for a really long time… I kept him away from my kids for a really long time and did a good job of convincing myself that marriage was NOT for me, that this (whatever it was) was not for me.
Then, in God’s infinite wisdom He used godly women that I respect to speak truth into my life and the conviction was overwhelming!
I eventually married do-rag, almost 2 years later, and never wrote another page in my book about adult dating again. I think as our first year anniversary gift I gave him the chapter I wrote about him.
The thing was, this season of my life was another example of how I knew perfectly well what I wanted, and God showed me a better way that I didn’t even expect. HE gave me the desires of my heart. The desires that were so (in my mind) unattainable that I never mentioned them to anyone. HE gave me this godly man who loves HIM more than anything, with strong convictions, and firm faith to live out for me and my kids, daily, what it’s like to love a bride the way Christ loves HIS church.
So in closing… thanks to: Nancy, Dorothy, Princess Jasmine, Sheldon Cooper, Ethel and Mary. But most of all to Bertha.