This week has been an unexpected ride through crazy town. Not in my personal life, thankfully, but professionally.
I’ve learned a lot of things working with people over the years.
For instance, people generally want to be listened to. Speak less, hear more… good advice regardless of the setting. But it sometimes is significantly more difficult to simply remain silent and listen. We hear something uttered that is incorrect or offensive and our immediate instinct may be to counter the argument. However, the quickest way to sometimes neutralize a situation is to simply listen, make notes, and process what it is we’re being told before concisely answering a direct question. In other words, some people, just like to talk for talking’s sake. We can always excuse ourselves, get a drink of water… and continue the painstaking exercise of listening. Now, if the object is to not diffuse a situation but to engage in a passionate and stirring discussion, go right ahead and raise the volume. At some point, all parties involved will be exhausted and probably no where near a solution. FYI, things may escalate quickly…
The other thing I’ve observed (and offer this nugget of sidewalk wisdom, free of charge) is people’s innate need for validation. We are all going to disagree. Pretending that we can all possibly share the same opinions on every single matter is not only naïve, it’s straight up impossible. However, my disagreement or differing opinion should not be presented in such a way that I demean another human being. We can agree to disagree in a respectful and gracious way. That is an artform that is quickly becoming extinct. Why? In my humble opinion, because we feel that if we validate someone’s differing position we are agreeing with them; that’s not the case. To validate, is to recognize or affirm the worth of a person’s feelings, the cause they’ve taken up, or their opinions. Who am I (with my individual life experiences) to tell you (coming from your own perspective and life experiences) that your feelings on a matter are not worth a discussion, or not worth a damn? It doesn’t mean I think you’re right, I may have a counter argument or differing opinion not based on emotion but on facts, that sway my ideals regarding a topic; however, none of that is relevant. The beauty of this human tapestry is that we are all individuals, who bring to the table our personal walks and perspectives. None more or less relevant than the other. Now, the real challenge is if you’re a logical person and someone is presenting a fully emotional argument, to not discount their emotions before presenting your facts. See, emotion and logic barely ever find common ground. That’s ok. Disagree. Then… stop talking.
Once in a while you need to get the memo: You’re never going to convince one another, get over it. And not every disagreement has a “winner”. (BTW, a lesson I’m still learning… ask my husband)
Final observation, man… we LOVE to fight and we LOVE us some drama. Not all of us, but a good chunk. We seek out the sleeping bear and poke it, just to see what happens. Knowing that people are going to be passionate about what their passionate about. Then, in true modern-day form, we use words, actions, social media posts, or even well-timed disregard to “make a point”. Who the crap are you “making a point” to? Then… once the bear is awoken, we get insulted! We are appalled at how we’re being engaged (or secretly loving it) so we revert back to sarcasm and being condescending when we feel “attacked”. The question is, why do you feel attacked? If you and I don’t agree on something, why is my disagreement with you a personal attack against you? Have we really drunk enough Kool-Aid to believe that individuals coming from different walks of life, living differing life experiences, of different generations should all be of 1 accord?
What is more ignorant: Your opinion that I should think exactly like you or a certain populace? Or, that I believe I’m being attacked because you and I can’t agree on a social or political issue that has nothing to do with me, or who I am? I am not my opinion. You are not yours. We are all different, THANK GOD! But I just pray that we don’t approach every difficult conversation as a fight with a perceived winner or loser, because news flash… We are all loosing. We will lose the art of discussions and conversations. We will chip away at that individual expression we have all come to cherish. Don’t poke a sleeping bear then get your panties in a bunch when the bear takes a slap at you. Claws and all. How about… coercing the bear to come out and play and then in a controlled environment, have a healthy exchange?
We are all nuts. We want to be heard, but we don’t want to listen. We want to be justified in our feelings, but we don’t want to give an inch. We want to poke a freaking bear and leave unscathed and “victorious”.
We are nuts, and I love us… but damn.