As a parent… you do the best you can with what you got.
No one sets out on this journey hoping and wishing and praying to mess up. However, once in a while even when you’ve done your part to the fullest of your ability, motivated by love… you still end up with a prodigal.
What’s that? The parable of the prodigal son in scripture can be found in Luke 15: 11-32. Regardless of instruction, they’ve convinced themselves that they know better. That they don’t need you. And then you’re left with the 1 thing, prayer, and as the father in the parable, waiting. You pray for them constantly and you pray that they someday know truth.
But it’s tough.
One cannot but feel like a failure. You know?
Logic tells me that if I’m somewhere, where I’m loved and kept safe, why would I leave? Better yet, why would I want to leave? {Sidebar: Now, part of love (especially in the role of a parent) is to correct, and set boundaries, and be consistent. I hold my kids accountable and they have curfews and they get grounded when they mess up… I grew up with chaperones, so for real, I don’t think I’m THAT strict.} So… logically, one would only leave a situation where they don’t feel loved or where they feel unsafe. Right?
And yet… here we are.
I’m not sure if it’s a boy thing, that at a certain age they feel as if they must be the “Alpha”, or if there’s just a natural push back with a father. Or, if simply put, there’s an underlying unquenchable thirst for the perception of freedom. I really do not understand a preemptive departure from a home when one has no plotted-out plan. But I know it occurs and I know that in the process, families are tried. One as a parent may encounter the, “I’m an adult and you can’t tell me what to do” or the “I do not need to follow the rules of this house” or the simple and heart-gripping statement of, “I hate it here, and I want to leave”. As a parent, what do you do with that?
When they’re little and threaten to “run-a-way” you laugh and let them pack their things and set off. I did that. My parents let me pack my things and head out to my grandmother’s house, on my bicycle with training wheels. I didn’t make it out of the complex before I realized 2 things: 1, I didn’t actually know where my grandparents lived and 2, that I could not carry everything alone and peddle my bike. I went back home where I found my parents laughing. I was hurt, but I was humbled. I asked them for their forgiveness and all was solved. But, fast forward to that season of a child’s life when they believe they can carry their burden and make it to where they’d like to go. Then what?
Nothing in me, as a mom, wants any of my kids to suffer for no good reason. However, I will also not tolerate the family home being disrespected and right there, is the conundrum. At a certain age a child’s willingness to disobey and rebel completely flies in the face of the very essence of parenting. A father’s heart is then, exactly what is needed. A father understands a young man’s desire to be a man. To be self-sufficient. Now, a father also recognizes a son’s very thoughtless choices. But, a father has a quicker reaction to a young man wanting to flex his new found male vibrato. Go. A father’s natural reaction to another man claiming his independence is to allow the young man to do just that, be independent. A mom has a theoretical understanding of tough love, a father is a much better executioner of that process.
In the parable of the prodigal we see a father who simply allows his youngest son to go. There isn’t tons of push back or discussions… those, and we know as parents, all occurred prior to that moment. But then the prodigal still wants to go and he’s allowed to do just that. The parable doesn’t routinely check back in with the father, only to mention how he waits, peacefully. The father is patient. There is absolutely no mention of a mom. I think it’s because a mom would be consumed with the thoughts of her son doing drugs, dying, not eating, not bathing, not, not squandering their inheritance. I know that there’s peace for a mom in this situation but it’s just not a natural thing. It’s genuinely a peace that can only come from Christ, and yes, it surpasses all natural reasoning.
We’re going to have prodigals, to a certain extent, up to the moment of salvation, that’s exactly what we are to God. Yet, our rebellion with God is not a reflection on HIM, just like that young man that wants to flex their prematurely developed wings, is not a reflection on their parents. Kids are smart. They know what to say to hear the words, “well, then if you don’t like it here, you can leave”… and that’s their out. They’ll try their darndest to convince those around them that they were, “kicked out”… but they’ll know the truth. They’ll know that had they abided and not pushed, they’d still be home. Maybe that’s the unbearable load to carry.
Truth always has an inconvenient way of coming out. And the most painful truth is the one we know to our core, and do not want to admit. That, #1, we don’t really know where we’re going and #2, the load is too heavy for us to carry alone.