The rain falls on all of us. None of us are immune.
There it is, right? What can either pull us closer to God, or make us run in the opposite direction? The rain. I never pretended that coming to believe in Jesus was my ticket to an easy life. After my first read-through of scripture, I understood that God doesn’t do easy.
This life is hard. We live in a fallen world, and there are consequences to an existence permeated with the death and destruction that accompanies sin. Sickness, illnesses, violence, war, all deterioration, are consequences of a post Genesis 3 world. In addition to the wages of sin (Romans 6:23), there is a spiritual battle raging that we, as believers, are a part of (Ephesians 6:12).
The rain falls on the just and the unjust (Matthew 5:45).
So, what do we do with all of this rain? That’s a great question.
I’ve been wrestling with that, especially since my husband’s passing. See, I can look back to January 2006, when I put my faith in Christ, and find the threads of grace, God has weaved through every trial since then. If I’m honest, and I look back further, I find where HE sustained me, and kept me alive, and kept me safe. HE was there protecting me, even before I knew HIM. Everything I’ve walked through since January 2006, even though it didn’t feel like it at the time, served to draw me closer to God and expose areas in my life that I needed to surrender to HIM. Fast forward to now, and one of the biggest struggles I’ve had to contend with, since my husband’s passing, is that very same reality, that truth. That God really does work all things out for my ultimate good, and HIS glory (Romans 8:28)… And, during this particular rain storm, that’s a tough pill to swallow.
“El diablo sabe mas por viejo, que por diablo” that translates to, the devil knows more because he’s old, not just because he’s the devil.
The devil and his principalities have been gladly attacking God’s creation and HIS image bearers since Genesis 3. That’s a long time, they have experience. In my grief, this current rainstorm if you will, the attack is easy. After all, darkness is familiar with grief and sorrow. It’s fertile ground for an attack, we’re vulnerable. For a believer who is grieving the loss of a loved one, the attack is simple: fan the flames of doubt. Until, one question immerges: “is God really good?”
It’s an attack on the goodness of God. HIS character. A seed planted, that if I choose to water it, I can easily convince myself that God is not only, not good, He’s cruel. To have lavished upon me the immense blessing my husband was to me and our children, and then take him away before any of our future plans and dreams had a chance to blossom. Taking him before he saw our children get married. Taking him before he held a grandchild. To then tell me, through scripture, that this is for my good, and His glory? Oh, I can easily choose to see that as cruel. In my economy, using my logic, defining “good” on my terms: well, then none of this is good! It’s all bad, and should not honor God. (says me…)
Says. me.
My kids and I were talking the other night about the book of Job. The book of Job tackles what we think of as unmerited suffering. Not persecution because of our faith in Jesus, and not suffering the consequences of sins we’ve committed, or sins that others have committed against us, but an allowance of rain, if you will, on someone. The quick, quick version is that Job feared the Lord, the Lord allowed suffering, and Job never blasphemed God. Job lost everything and still, praised God. Furthermore, Job’s story is told and retold many, many times over. That book is part of the “wisdom literature” of the Bible.
Back to my rainstorm…
I am no Job. I do not pretend to be, and I do not want to be. My loss does not compare to what Job lost; therefore, for me to wrestle with the goodness and faithfulness of God is ridiculous! I should know better!
My husband used to say that the longest distance is sometimes between the human mind and the human heart. We can know something, but not believe it, not internalize it.
God hasn’t changed. Not since Job, not since I first accepted Him in 2006, not when my beloved passed. God is the same. Me? Oh goodness, well I’m a hot exhausting mess, that, is prone to wander. I tend to forget who I was created to be, and what I was created for. This world wants to convince me that my purpose is to be a daughter, a mom, to be Chris’s wife, to be a grandmother… all of those things are not bad! Not at all! They are beautiful gifts of God’s never-ending grace. But, I was NOT created for that. I was originally created in Genesis 2, to walk with the Lord in the cool of the day. I was created in His image, without shame in order to reflect back to Him, His perfect plan and design.
I don’t know that I can ever get on board with calling the loss of my husband, “good”. The only “good” stuff is that my husband is with Jesus, and he isn’t suffering, or in pain, and he will never have to endure this kind of grief. He was spared. All of that is good. God, calling anyone HOME is an act of mercy. We have it WAY harder, than they do.
We will all get rained on, but God…
Some of us may forget what, and who, we were actually created to be; just because the darn rain is so very strong.
God IS good. Not because of the rain, not because HE allows the rain, not because HE’s our umbrella. NOPE! HE is simply, good.
Put that on repeat in your brain, and remember… YOU (WE) DON’T DEFINE, “GOOD”.