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Hi.

Welcome to my blog. I document my adventures in life. 

Change: The worst/best thing that can happen.

Change is never easy. It's not meant to be. 

For some, a change can be the scariest thing in the world.  I'm not sure where I land in the spectrum of change-apprehension. I'm surely not constantly seeking change, but if I'm honest, it kind of feels like change is constant; therefore, I either adapt or spend a lot of viable energy complaining. 

If I had to rank the biggest changes in my life (a la David Letterman) the following are my top 10: 

#10 Becoming a wife, the 1st time around.  I was 19 years old and had no clue what I was signing up for. I had an image in my mind of what marriage was, and this, was not that.  Big Change.

#9 Becoming a mom, 1999 I welcomed my first born baby girl... HUGE CHANGE, one of the best changes of my life. To this #9 I'll add... 2nd time mommy in 2002, another change but I was in my 20's so change was no big deal. 

#8 Betrayal... that kind of change to the dynamics of a relationship are devastating.  BUT ... it changed me, and I never wanted this experience, but through it I kind of feel like God used the 8 years of struggling to prune, refine me and get me ready for the next changes. 

#7 Becoming a mom in my 30's! Yes, this requires it's own number.  This was a change to my family's structure, routine, habits, everything.  Holy cow... after 8 years of not having a baby in the house the arrival of my 3rd monkey scared the crap out of me.  But he is the best thing I never knew, that I always wanted. 

#6 From the 305 to the 205.  A move, can be the scariest change a family can endure; especially when coming to a place I had never even visited.  Birmingham, Alabama was a foreign country in comparison to Miami, Florida. This was one change followed by what seemed like an endless stream of changes.  

#5 The big "D"... I hated this change.  I was ashamed to be getting a divorce.  I felt like a failure.  However, quickly God gave me perspective.  This one, along with every change I've had to endure served a purpose.  A few months after the big "D" I was diagnosed with the big "C" that'll make you, "man up" quickly.  And these changes worked as 1 for me.  One, the break in my family, resulting in a LIFETIME low-point and Two, the attempted kick in the groin while I was down, resulting in the, "Come at me Bro" moment of my life. The timing (as difficult as it was) was actually perfect. 

#4 Becoming a homeowner.  This was one of those changes that were simultaneously scary and exciting, much like a roller coaster.  

#3 Becoming a bride.  This change was not planned.  I didn't want to get re-married. I didn't want to change what I had become accustomed to.  I fought this change for a while, but thank God I didn't chicken out (and believe me I wanted to).  

#2 Becoming a mom... a 4th time.  Every other baby I brought home, as a baby.  I taught them, I comforted them, I fed them, they were part of me and woven into the fabric of my life.  However, my 4th child was 15 when I met him. We were two strangers brought together by a series of changes.  Changes, that frankly, he never wanted to be a part of. I played no role in his life, had no influence, never took care of him once when he was sick; and yet, here we were.  This time it was a choice.  I made a choice to be a mom again, in as much as I'm allowed.  The entire dynamic of this relationship is different and if I were fearful of change, it would never work. 

#1 Becoming HIS. The scariest most awesome change, January 2006. I broke and God put me back together, eventually.  

 What can I say? Change is constant and to a certain extent, needed.  Everyone of the things on this list had/ have elements that are fantastic and that suck.  Yet, I'd do it all over again, and I wouldn't change a thing.  What I've discovered in 41 years, is that as we allow and adapt to change, HE uses EVERYTHING for HIS purpose.  Good, bad or ugly... HE's got you.  PLUS... if I waste too much energy being scared of something then I'll never actually do anything. and that... is unacceptable. 

Change is inevitable, and as much as we don't like it it'll get to a point that if we continue fighting it, we may be fighting what HE is trying to accomplish.  That's not a good thing. 

Words are cheap