My brain functions better using metaphors and analogies; always has. I think I find it easier to understand these mammoth moments we endure in life when I rationalize them in terms of tangible situations. Physical examples explaining the emotional realties. Recently, I’ve been blessed to walk through this current painful journey alongside others who are also enduring grief. Listening to people’s stories and understanding the depth of struggle has me ruminating on something.
I’m probably wrong… but… I think the big things in life are kind of like physical injuries. I’ll explain:
If we are like cells (follow me here) then our nucleus is made up of our immediate families. Whatever that looks like, for example, a spouse, a life partner, children, in some instances parents and siblings, even life-long friends. That’s the beauty of all of us, we know who is in our “nucleus”; some of us, even have a beloved furry pet in there. Then, our nuclear membrane would be our extended family: grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, friends that are like family. Finally, our Cell Membrane, would be filled with friends and people we really love.
Social rings: the closer they are to you… the more painful the loss and the hurt the person can inflict. The greater the “injury”.
I explain it this way so you can follow along with the injury analogy.
When I lost my grandparents, that was a wound. A wound that heals, but it really hurts, and, regardless of the time that passes, every once in a while it still hurts.
When I was betrayed by someone I loved, that was a deep gash. That gash could become infected had I not been careful. The infection could’ve potentially been worse than the injury. It required forgiveness and a new heart to heal. Lots of care and time.
When I was divorced, that was a gun shot. It hurt like crazy and would forever change me. I can heal from it, but it required time, and an understanding that the injury would always be a part of me. That kind of wound can have lifelong effects if one isn’t careful. Not only is infection very possible (poisoning the entire body) but to heal properly requires work from the injured party. We need to want to recover, both physically and emotionally from something so violent.
I’ve never lost a parent or a sibling, thank God, but I imagine that being a loss of an appendage. A needed part of ourselves, lost forever. My goodness, a loss like that not only changes us, but we have to learn to function without it. Did you know if you lost a toe your body’s balance would be completely thrown off. This, “injury” not only changes us, we have to learn new skills to function without an appendage. It isn’t easy, and it hurts. Sure, we can heal but the loss will forever be felt.
Finally, the loss of a limb. That’s a hit right in our nucleus. We lose an arm, or a leg; that’s an entirely different ballgame. Not only are we forever changed, we have to rethink our entire life’s strategy. There’s a choice that needs to be made by the injured, do you want to live and learn how to exist without this limb? Or, not. Learning to live without a limb challenges a human to their core. Learning how to do basic tasks becomes challenging and exhausting. Re-thinking how to do things, re-learning, re-imagining our lives. Then, there’s the possibility of infection and utter deterioration of the person who lost their limb. This kind of injury may require others to help the injured walk, or reach for things or simply encourage them to keep going even without a limb.
Does that make sense?
Maybe looking at emotional “injuries” in a physical way just helps me rationalize the unimaginable a little more practically.
I’ll tell you something, having lived through a few of these “injuries” already, the singular thing that has always (and is currently) helped (helping) me heal is, love. Love for God, loving myself enough to get better, loving my children, loving my family and friends. And… the real medicine? Being loved. That’s a game changer.
I’ve lost a limb but am determined to walk through this life missing a part of myself because I love, and I am loved. Love covers a multitude of sins… and injuries :)
There’s no point to this post, just thinking out loud.