I’m no expert at this grief thing… I literally just began this journey that I never wanted to be on…. but… I’m Cuban; therefore, I’m very aware of unhealthy coping mechanisms. Oh, you’re not? … interesting.
I’ve got quite the extensive list; however, in an effort of not freaking everyone out, let’s keep it at 4… 4 super unhealthy ways/habits/ trends that I readily use in order to try and ease life’s pain:
First, a crowd favorite, my charming sense-of-humor. Oh… don’t get it mistaken my ability to laugh at myself and poke fun at life is 100% a survival skill.
Secondly, a little thing called, amazon.com. I ain’t even kidding, on-line shopping is way too easy… I’m going to need an intervention soon.
Third, vacations. The unrelenting desire to run-a-way can only be satisfied by vacations because, well, I need to be a responsible adult and I can’t very well just run-a-way, run-a-way. However, do you know the really sad depressing part? It’s not even actually traveling anywhere that helps me “get by”… NOPE… it’s planning. The planning of fictional vacations, I’m never going to take. I love it. It’s so sad.
Finally, fourth…. food. “Comfort Food”… my nemesis.
I was not a happy adult for many, many years. The silly 19 year-old version of me did not know her worth, and settled for an unkind, selfish, womanizer. To withstand the prison sentence I found myself in, I ate… a lot… I made very unhealthy choices. Over that sentence, I’d on occasion try to practice some semblance of self-control and perseverance, it was always short-lived, and always ended in a sad self-deprecating way. The failings became a painful reminder of my lack of will-power, lack of control, and an awareness that I was not honestly desiring any changes in the decisions I was making, or in what I thought I deserved. I was on a crazy spiral. I always used food as comfort though, I can’t blame anyone or any circumstance for this crutch. I just associate happiness with food, love with meals, and pleasure with taste. I’ll own that. I’m not proud of it, but at 45 if I was still unaware of my unhealthy maneuverings then, I’d have a lot more than just grief to wrestle with.
Sadly, I’ve recently reverted back to this. Prior to losing my husband it felt like I’d finally gained a handle over gluttony. But, sin, is sin, is sin. We all have our weaknesses, strong-holds, struggles… as a believer at least, I pray we’re struggling against our sin nature. However, in the past 118 days, I haven’t struggled, if I’m being painfully honest, I’ve succumbed.
So what now? How does one renew their mind and put to death their stronghold? That’s a great question. I’ll get back to you.