Recent events have me thinking, which is dangerous, if you ask my husband. In all seriousness, he and I had a conversation after we crossed yet another milestone with one of the kids. A beautiful, scary, exciting milestone. so….
I became a mom at 22 years old. This beautiful little girl who weighed 8 Lbs. was placed on my chest and I’ve never been the same again. I’d get that amazing feeling 2 more times, and each time… I had absolutely NO CLUE what the heck I was doing. Still don’t.
You’re given this ball of yarn (follow me, on this metaphorical journey) and you’re told to knit a sweater but you’ve never in your life knit anything, let alone, an entire sweater. Right? But off you go… and you figure out that getting started can be physically taxing. Like your fingers aren’t used to the rhythm and pattern and tempo required to get this sweater started. But a few hiccups later, and there you are. Knitting away like a little spider weaving her web. GOOD JOB!
Throughout your sweater-knitting journey, you have to figure out if you’re holding the ball of yarn too tight, or if you’re letting it go too fast. I mean, either way, your handiwork can be affected by the rate in which you let the yarn go. And hey, sometimes you make mistakes, and you have to pull some of the sweater apart to knit it together better, more carefully. (That’s OK) You’re going for a finished product here. You can even potentially break your yarn, and that really sucks, but you have to figure out how to mend it without causing too much damage, or too obvious a defect, to the sweater. If you hold on too tightly to your yarn, then what you’re weaving isn’t a comfortable loose fitting sweater, I mean it’ll still be a sweater, but it may not end up looking like we thought it should, or provide the comfort and warmth to others that a fluffier loosely, yet methodically, knitted sweater may provide. It’s a dance, right? Balance: the letting go at the right time; and none of us know what the heck we’re doing! I mean, I’ve never knit a freaking sweater! Right? Are you following?
As our kids, and our parenting stage changes… our “yarn” dwindles . Years pass and we’ve poured into our humans and have a much smaller “ball of yarn” to pull from (or hold onto - depending the stage you’re in). My prayer as a fierce momma-bear is that my children first, love the Lord, that they are safe, healthy, that they live without fear, and that I’ve put someone out in this world that provides some comfort, warmth, love to others, namely, their own family, someday.
When that baby girl left the house, carving her own path in this world, I still had some yarn (maybe not too much) left. It’s that final string, where from a distance you still emotionally support, advise, and (in as much as is allowable) kiss the booboo’s when life hurts them. It’s a bit of a yarn left, not too much, but you’re still the momma bear. Almost done with the gorgeous sweater you’ve knit…
The milestone:
My daughter is now engaged.
We were blessed about a week before the actual proposal, when my daughter’s now, fiance, sat with my husband and I, and we were asked for our permission (or blessing). That’s a moment as a mom that you never forget. At least, I can’t imagine forgetting it. It’s the moment I realized, I need to finish my “sweater” and let the last bit of yarn go.
My role in her life will change (once again) on that wedding day, as it should. I should no longer be the first person she confides in, or seeks counsel with, that should be her husband. It is no longer my place to fight the world for her, even though I will, but it’s her husband’s role to fight alongside her, and for her, when needed. All of this will be so different from knitting a sweater… I’ll be done with the “knitting” portion of our relationship.
Moving towards letting this last bit go, I get to see what I’ve “knit”. I’ll actually get to see HER. Her further evolution into a strong, beautiful, comforting person who is THERE for HER family. I’ll get to see what she’s like as a bride, a day that will take my breath away. See what she’s like as a wife, and if God sees fit, as maybe a mother someday. To see her and her husband loving and following Christ together, and building their life together.
God has seen fit to allow me to see the fruit of this endeavor of motherhood for one of my children, and I pray HE allow me the same blessing for all my “sweaters”. That I can witness each of them seeking HIM and building their own families. This, may actually turn out to be my favorite part of being a mom… the final string being let go with the understanding that they’re ready. They’ve got this. I’ve done everything I could, and they’ve got this. They don’t NEED me in their life, but it’s pretty darn cool they want me there!
My family will grow by 1 more, and I’m blessed beyond what I deserve to see how God continues to weave me into whatever HE wants. To God be the glory, forever and ever.